Yo!

I guess it's true what they say, about every cloud having a silver lining.. My cloud has been a huge storm cloud for over a month now, starting when I lost my job and my girlfriend of two years left me...

Now almost two months later, I got my amazing job at L-3 back and I'm happier then I've been in what seems like a long while.. It's been one hell of an uphill battle, but I'm grateful to be finally seeing the light from atop the hill. I've made a lot of new friends, pushed myself to experience a lot of new things, I've even had to come to terms with letting go of my ex, which I'm still working out lol.. I haven't been on medication for a long while now, and I've gotten through this with help from friends and family, more particularly without medication. Perhaps with getting through all that I have, and doing so with confidence and inner strength, I don't need medication anymore, maybe my depression is all taken care of finally.

Aside from getting my job back at L-3, the Air Force has informed me that with my Mechanic score at a 78, I easily qualify for a Crew Chief position, so I'll do that if/when I end up joining. A lot is going on really fast, and I just want to make sure I'm doing what's right for me, and not letting fear or heartache cloud my mind and judgment.

I've still got a long road to recovery, but I'm happy to see something so pivotal, this will truly make room to breath and continue to get my life on track.

Later Days Funny Faces

Christopher.

I don't honestly remember the last time I posted something on here haha.. I have had so much happen to me over these months, possibly years since I last posted.. I'm just going to start fresh and roll the dice and say what I need to, regardless of how much sense it'll make, because it'll make sense to me and if anyone is still on here and wants to know, feel free to ask lol.

Let's see... I'm 21 years old, living my own place with a couple of roommates, moved out of my parent's house about a year ago when my most recent ex left me the first time. I felt the need to rid myself of my old world and that room we were always in together, so I left my parent's house and moved out. From there I got a temporary job at Autoliv, where I met Eric and became one of his roommates in a house in Ogden Utah. I ended up getting a job at L-3 Communications in Salt Lake City and commuting back and forth from Ogden to Salt Lake, but for the job it was definitely worth it and I loved it there.

My ex, Jordan btw, came back a few months into my new life without her, we worked things out and stayed together for the remainder of the time I was working at L-3.. From the job in SLC and the house in Ogden I moved into a nicer house with my friend Fredy, his girlfriend Chealsa and their one year old son Alex. A 4 story, 5 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 living rooms, a kitchen and garage, complete with decent size backyard, they took the top, I took the bottom and we shared the middle two levels. Things were going well, we had resumed talk about moving in together and marriage and all that other stuff that comes with time, we had been together for over 2 years at this point.

Eventually I lost my job at L-3 due to an accident with my medication, I fell asleep on the job and they didn't like that very much, so they fired me. Within that same week my girlfriend started stressing that we could never have a stable future since I'm always hopping jobs after 6-9 months, so she felt it would be best to go our separate ways.. She was also worried she was never going to reach goals she had made for herself, like going to school and having a family and such, there just wasn't enough stability for her, and I don't blame her for leaving..

And that was the story a month ago.. She left me, I lost my job, and I was told I need to get rent covered or I'd lose my home haha..

Right now I am trying to get my life worked out and fixed up as best I can with the tools I have. I applied, interviewed and am awaiting further instructions from L-3 Communications, yeah the same place I worked at before, about a job in a different department. I am also trying to decide if I want to join the Air Force, apparently you need to score a 30+ points on your ASVAB to even get into the Air Force and I scored a 70, easily haha.. On my practice test I actually scored a 77; on the ASVAB the lowest I got on my 4 score section was a 68, the highest was 78.. They told me I can have just about any job I want based off my test score, if you know me, you know that having options is my downfall, I always brush it off to the side when I have too many options.. I am still losing my home, but my parents said if I'm joining the military, I can stay there till I get sent out. When I get this job at L-3 however, I am going to try to move to Salt Lake City..

My ex, Jordan, is off living her own life and I am living mine. We aren't really talking and it's probably for the best.. I don't regret what I had, but that's not to say I don't miss it horribly bad.. Everyday I get a little better though and everyday I try to make a better life for myself, so I think I'm doing alright! I'm even kind of dating again haha.. At my friend Quang's Halloween party I met a girl named Courtney and we've hung out a few times, we talk and whatever, she's really cute and I wouldn't mind pursuing her, but she said she just wants to be friends, so until she's ready, I'll just be myself around her and her friend. There's also Amy, a girl I used to go to school with when I first moved out here haha, we're supposed to go on a date but she's always really busy, and I'm just leaving it up to her. Other then that, I guess I'm just trying to live my life..

I've pushed myself to be more outgoing and social, I've got crippling Depression and Anxiety, but after Jordan left the first time I checked into medication. I'm not taking anything anymore, been about many months since I took it regularly and I still get a little down when I take things the wrong way, and I still get a little anxious in crowds and stuff, but I am doing well enough without them, even with how my life has been going haha. I am just trying to look towards a good future and take things one day at a time.

Since she left I have gone to Wendover by myself lol, Vegas with friends I just met, but they became really good friends! Mandi and her husband TJ and the birthday girl Chels, along with Natasha and her boyfriend Hunter. Natasha has actually helped me out a lot with advice and just being a really great person to talk to, it's been real haha. Let's see.. I also went to a few parties, hung out with my family more and even with my brother! I've gone to the bar a couple of times with friends, back to back weekends if I remember correctly! Let's see.. oh there was also Quang's Halloween party one weekend, then hanging out with Courtney at The Bayou in Salt Lake, her idea haha, and then we went to the Utes VS TCU game, snuck in actually! It was a lot of fun just being with new people and making friends.. Being with Courtney was really great too, she's a way cool girl but she's just complicated lol..

Anyways, I think that's enough of an update after so long, I hope to get on here regularly again, so yeah, later days funny faces!

Christopher.

So it's crunch time, I need to find a job, I'm looking for anything lol. So I applied at the greatest place on earth, no not Disney Land, someplace better, IN-N-OUT. So I applied there and I'm going to swing by today and ask if they have had a chance to look over my application and such.

Aside from work, school has been decent too. I aced my 3rd test, so I'm 3 for 3 right now with all 3 100%. Nothing else of importants with school right now..

Jordan, ah she's so amazing. We worked something out that night, two nights ago I believe, and we're doing alot better and I think it's going to last this time. I love her with all my heart and honestly, I can't wait to marry her.

Nothing else new... oh we got 3 new roommates but I think that's all that's new... Alright so for bonus points, found a 1990 Nissan 300zx TT with over 10k invested in to the motor a lone, spun a bearing so he's selling it for 4k. I know I could fix that bearing... i want that car so bad.. lol. Really bad idea though, so I'm just going to play it by ear right now.. That's really about it..

And so we go..

Later yo's.

Christopher.

So Jordan, she's an amazing person. She puts up with a ton of my baggage, seriously, I don't know anyone more amazing then her.. It breaks my heart when I just stress her out so much that we have to stop everything and talk things out... she tends to feel things aren't getting any better and she worries about what will happen to us, I worry too..

So thanks to my previous ex's, I have a horrible depression that never wants to go away.. They all cheated on me and screwed with my head worst then I've ever seen.. Jordan is different, she's the only one that's tried untangling all this shit that's wrapped me up and tried helping.. She doesn't understand how I can always be so negative and sad and depressed... It takes a toll on her, a pretty heavy one...

I just got off the phone with Jordan, she's better now.. We're better now..

When we first started dating, we were fine, but my stupid depression made it's appearance early on... but Jordan didn't run, she didn't call me names or tell me to get over it or anything like that, she did this most remarkable thing... she tried to help me. She has tried since we started dating to help me with my depression, she's nurtured me and cared for me in a way, I never thought people could do. She is the most self-sacrificing person I know and I love her with all my heart..

When the call started we were alright, although we'd been arguing earlier that day. It was over trivial stuff, I always bring in trivial stuff that doesn't matter and just turn it into the worst thing imaginable.. She commented on one of her friends pictures, Stephen, whom I'm now friends with through her, who she's known since she was a kid, seriously a brother, who happened to not have a shirt on, she commented the pic and said his face looked hilarious or something, which I admit, it did. I over reacted, again, and blew things way out of proportion, thanks to depression.. It got us fighting all morning until the afternoon. She feels I don't trust her, I feel like an ass for her feeling like that, I just have that little voice that says, she doesn't want you, she wants someone else, nagging, day in and day out...

So long story short we got over it and the day went on, but as the day went on things got better and worst.. I aced my second test at school and then screwed things horribly by complaining that she was tired and didn't send me a pic..

I hate myself for not seeing things from her side enough.. She puts her all into us and into me, she's always trying to make me happy and make sure I'm ok, but really, she's the one that's needing help.. I'm going to make things right, I promised her I would.

I love Jordan and I'm going to fix things while I can, starting with the job thing. I also need to show her I trust her too, it kills me knowing she doesn't believe I trust her... In truth, after Lindsay, I told myself I wasn't going to trust anyone again, I was just going to say fuck you all and I'll see you in hell. Jordan changed that faster then I ever thought possible, and she's the only person I trust with my heart and everything. I'm going to make things right, I have to. I also need to work on being so god damn depressed, it takes a major toll on us.. Looks like I've got quite a bit of work to do.

Jordan is so crazy for all she puts up with, but I am glad she does... I don't want to imagine life without her, I screwed up thinking all my ex's were right for me, but now I see, you can be happy with someone without them hurting you. There is no reason to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't love you enough that they don't try to hurt you.. Jordan has shown me true love and I don't have any intention of letting that go, of letting her go.

We're ok now... I hope this is the last time we have this problem of me having these horrible mood swings and depressive, negative, and just plain repulsive attitude towards everything... I know it's not though. I'm going to do my best to make sure this doesn't get out of hand anymore, she means too much to me to not help her help me.. I'm going to get better damn it, I'm not going to give up on her, who's working so hard for me.. We're ok now, and I'm going to keep it that way.

And so we go..

Later yo's.

Christopher.

I've definitely neglected this old place, my dearest friend..

Right now I need you more then you know, you've helped me keep sane before and I call upon you again.. I think I'll fill you in on what's been going on since my last update.. well the big stuff anyways...
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Alright sorry, took a little stroll through Memory Lane... anyways, lets get this show on the road, huh?

Alright so when I last left off I gave you the Brief History between us and how much she means to me... Let's see, I failed to mention that for her birthday on 09/09/08 we went to her dad's house and she put cake on me, didn't I?
Well let's see.. things just kinda took off from there.. I accidentally told her I loved her when we were in the car, my red 1990 Nissan 300zx, and she was stunned, for sure. After that I thought for sure we'd be done, but needless to say, the feeling was mutual... although she found a different time to tell me how she felt lol. Let's see, from there we have Twilight Movie Premier and Thanks Giving and Black Friday, all days we spent together lol. Again, I am getting ahead of myself, since the day we started dating and the day we seriously became a couple, we were together, day in and day out... I miss that a lot right now..
Anyways, so we seen the Twilight movie, spent Halloween together, then we had Thanks Giving at my grandparents, her grandparents, her parents and her other grandparents, it was... quite a drive lol, but definitely worth it. We even spent Christmas together, her parents took us ice skating and her dad hated me back then cause he looked at her phone and seen I called her "Sugar Tits," which is my nickname for her since I couldn't think of one when she called me "Butt-Face." Good come back right? Anyways, we loved each other for a long time and we talked about the past, we still do actually, about how I used to have a crush on her in Jr. High and she used to think I was annoying in Jr. High haha. Time really does change so much.. So for Christmas Jordan's family showed me Christmas like I haven't seen in who knows how long. They did a lot of stuff together, still do actually, it's one thing I really admire about them, they are very close and family oriented, I can see where Jordan gets it.. Anyways, they showed me Christmas movies like "A Christmas Story," which I had never seen before lol and had me do fun things with them like make a gingerbread house, we did it in teams. Jordan and me against Jordan's mom and sister against Jordan's neighbor Angie and her two kids. Ours definitely rocked lol.
From Christmas we go to New Years, it was spent between Jordan's house, Angie's house and Angie's Dad's house, which is all in a line. It's actually really funny cause we got sent to get firewood and well... let's just say they almost sent in a search crew.. Anyways, it was a lot of fun, a few of Jordan's friends joined us as we played RockBand and relaxed in the hot tub.. Then we kissed at Midnight and said good bye to a year and hello to one together!
Speed things along, the Holidays came and went, and Super Bowl 43 came up... A holiday in itself for Jordan and myself... You see, back in December Jordan and I tried something we told ourselves we would, yeah you guess it, we said screw the condom for a minute or two and we'll just enjoy each other... Well long story short two months later and Jordan still hasn't had her period... So she tells her mom on Super Bowl Sunday, when her Step-Dad, who barely started coming around to me always being there, when his favorite team was playing, the Steelers.. So I get this call from Jordan, she says we're going to the doctor, long story short I don't even park my car at their house, I have to drop it off at the church down the street cause her mom is in a mad rush to get us to the doctor.. not fun at all. So during this tense, oh very tense, drive to the doctor we have to spill our story and such, not a fun drive, nor have I seen Jordan's mom that serious, honestly scary.. So we go to the doctor, take tests, are told they will let us know later, we go back to Jordan's house and pretend everything is ok. Oh and btw, Jordan's Step-Dad finds out even before we got home, along with a lot of people there... Worst Super Bowl Ever.. So long story short, she's not pregnant, like I told her from the start.. Took a while to patch things up though..
We'll stop again in May for my birthday, since Jordan cares for me so much. So for my birthday we went mini-golfing, then she threw me a party at her house, complete with food and this amazing cake I told her she's not aloud to make for anyone but me now, and an awesome bonfire. By this time I was pretty fully integrated into her friends, we were all just one group of friends, sorta.
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The funny thing is, all of this time we had problems, which all revolved around me and my stupid depression.. I gotta say though, she must really love me cause she puts up with a whole hell of a lot! Hell, we almost ended early around Christmas time, let's just say if I hadn't of stopped the car on the way to her house and we didn't talk things out, I probably wouldn't be telling such a light-hearted story.. but that's the past as Jordan would say, can't dwell on the bad stuff, gotta be happy and optimistic! Back to the story!
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So from may we go to June and July, spent a hell of a lot of time with Jordan, since she graduated and all So proud of her, she did an amazing job, of course. Oh yeah and her Step-Dad, the one that hated me for the "Sugar Tits" incident and the "Oops I might have gotten your daughter pregnant, happy Super Bowl", he finally forgave me or something, Jordan thinks he realized I wasn't going anywhere so he just gave up and welcomed me, I hope that's what happened haha. So yeah, her Step-Dad finally accepted me and we're fine now, for a long time it was a little unnerving and scary haha but I got over it. Oh yeah and her real dad I mentioned a while back, he's cool too, got along with him almost instantly, although... There was this story that I heard only a few months after Jordan and I were dating, from her grandma Johnson, she's like the goto person for us when we need advice, she knows everything that's happened. So yeah, apparently Jordan's real dad had a big problem with me too cause I had put my hand on Jordan's leg when we first started dating and he didn't like that very much haha. Anyways, back to the story, again!
So we were pretty much inseparable, aside from me working from 7Am to 6Pm at Goodyear, and her at school on Tuesday-Thursdays. Life was pretty well going good.. Oh, failed to mention one thing, the feeling of impending doom that started in like, April and ended on that horrible, fateful day, August 15, 2009.. So back to the story... So we are pretty well set on getting married, for a long time Jordan said she didn't want to get married for 5 years, granted a year came and went faster then I ever thought it could.. but 5 years? That's a long time and I'd rather just be with her now.. Anyways, we talked about everything we could when it was July... all our plans for our future together, we even picked up a couple "Bride and Groom" books, it's what I call them anyways, the "How to plan a wedding" and my personal favorite "What the Hell is a Groom and what does he do?." Seriously, I own that book, helps me out a lot lol. So anyways, we tried to make July and the half of August we had together last as long as we could, and nobody rushed us.. I really gotta say, everyone was really cool about it..
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So this impeding doom I mention, yeah it's the reason I'm writing in here again.. So Jordan, she's an incredibly, amazing, perfect, angel of a girlfriend I never thought I'd have.. And she's strong, trustworthy, faithful and incredibly sincere and always so... so... thoughtful..
Universal Technical Institute, or UTI for short, has several campuses over the US. It is the leading Automotive Technology School the USA has to offer. I got accepted back in January or so.. I told myself, if Jordan doesn't want to go, it's not for me. Jordan on the other hand was thrilled that I got accepted and wanted me to go, and then I told her where the closes one that has the programs I want is and things went south.. The closes campus to Utah that has the Nissan Program is Sacramento California..
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It really is hard to right this, even now, 2 weeks after I've been here... Jordan was still thrilled for me and pushed me to do it, even though it meant we would be away from each other for a year and two months. We definitely did all we could and when we had to say our goodbyes, we exchanged pillows, something that left each others scent on it and made things a little more tolerable when we were lonely, she gave me a scrapbook of our past year together and I gave her as much as I could lol, a blanket, my favorite hat, clothes, all I could..
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It was a long and lonely drive out to California, my parents came to bring my stuff in a truck, Jordan's real dad's truck actually, along with the guy that would be my room mate now, Jaime, who brought his dad in his car with him.. They have long since returned home, to their lives in Utah. I am writing this now, at 6:05Am Pacific Time, such is a joke... Jordan and I talk every night and all day, whenever we can. I have gone to school for a week now,  and aced my first test on Basic Engines, 100%. Jaime and myself will be joined with 2 roommates later today, oh did I forget to mention I had to get my own apartment out here? I also blew up the water pump on the red z.. I would sell that car if it didn't have so many memories of Jordan in it.. Anyways, I should probably call it a night, gotta be at school in a while..

Jordan and I have never been more in love and we are very determined to see this through to the end, I'll visit her and she'll come visit me, but we refuse to give up on what we have and what we worked so hard to have. She is my soul-mate, she isn't my past and she's not like my past girlfriends, she is mine for now and forever. We plan on getting married when I get back, we talk about it every night, it gives us hope to stay focused on each other and come back to each other when this is done. I love Jordan with all my heart, something none of my ex's ever had, I trust Jordan with all that I am, trust that my ex's broke, something that took forever to give up again. She has my heart and everything that belongs to it, and I have hers.

Thank you again for being here, my old friend. I will be returning often, I believe.

Later yo.

Christopher.